09/10/16 #1 I brainstormed a lot of ideas for my capstone and I was stuck between raising awareness for teen suicides and working with little children who need extra help in reading. I soon figured out that I couldn’t do the little children idea because my town elementary school closes at 4 and I get home at 3:45 so that idea was gone. I soon thought hard about the teen suicide and soon realized that this idea wouldn’t work either because it would have been harder to get into a rehab facility and actually sit down with teens and talk to them about what happened. So I decided to just let the idea come my way and hopefully in the morning or two days I would know what I want to do for my capstone.
09/12/16 #2 I decided to do my capstone on raising awareness for Leukemia and lymphoma because I lost my grandmother in January to leukemia. I decided that by doing my capstone project and working with the Leukemia and Lymphoma society, it’ll help me cope with her death more and find the courage to move on even after months.
09/13/16 #3 I emailed the coordinator last night but she has not responded yet and whenever I try to call them no one picks up. I do know that even though they are based in Stratford, CT there are some people from the company located in Hartford, CT. I am going to try and call again and hopefully someone picks up.
09/15/16 #4 I still had no luck on getting in touch with the coordinator, phone or email, when I’ve sent a follow up email to them last night. I guess if they don’t respond but the afternoon today then I will have to contact another society/community and work with them. I am kind of worried because at this point most people have their mentors and supervisors and I don’t have anything but an idea. So they still didn't respond back and now I'm going to look for another place that can help me with my capstone but I will try one more time with the Leukemia and Lymphoma society.
10/10/16 #5 So it has been a while since last time I wrote an entry but after waiting and waiting for a reply of any sort I decided to change my capstone. I talked to Ms. Boutilier and my back up plan was to improve little kids literacy development. So we came up with contact information on an afterschool program in South Windsor with Pleasant Valley Elementary School and one in Windsor with John J Kennedy Elementary School. I emailed and called both but no one has replied yet but hopefully they do soon.
10/11/16 #6 Today I was in Mr. Rodriguez class and I got a missed call from JFK. I had been waiting for this call for 2 days and a rush of joy washed over me. I called back and got amazing news that I could do my capstone their after school program but she told me that she still needs to get a definite answer from her supervisor. She said that she will get back to me tomorrow so I just have to wait now until she calls me with confirmation.
10/11/16 #7 At around 8:40-8:45pm I decided to check my email and I saw that I had gotten an email from South Windsor Park and Rec. I was really conflicted on what I should do so I forwarded the email to Mrs.Boutilier and asked her what I should do. She gave me really good advice and told me to hold off from replying until I got an answer from JFK. She also told me to think and have a heart to heart with myself and ask myself where I really wanted to go and help out. I was still conflicted so I asked my parents about their opinions and my mom said South Windsor and my dad said Windsor. In the end though, they said that the decision is for me to make and that was honestly the hardest part, I am constantly thinking of where I want to complete my capstone even while writing this.
10/12/16 #8 I decided to stick to my first decision and complete my capstone at JFK in Windsor. I decided that I wanted to do it here because I felt like I could get more from the kids there rather than South Windsor. I have a meeting with Ms. Jen on Monday October 17, 2016 at 4pm to go and see how things run at this program. Hopefully everything works out great and I can start soon.
10/13/16 #9 I emailed Ms. Jen today and asked her if she would be interested in being my mentor and she said she would love and that was a huge relief. I arranged my timings and days for volunteering at the program and everything worked out. I am glad that I picked to work with kids instead of working with the leukemia and lymphoma society because it’ll make this project more fun and exciting! I am super excited to start and see what kind of impact I have on the kids and if they develop their reading skills. One thing I want to mention is that I wish I took these steps before because by now I would have already had more than one session with the kids and my capstone wouldn’t have been this delayed. However, I am a firm believer of whatever happens, happens for a good reason.
10/17/16 #10 So today I had the meeting at the program and it was amazing! I met with Ms. Jen and she showed me around the school and introduced to me to Ms. Joyce and the other volunteers there. I got to spend time with the kids and the groups of kids are so sweet and energetic, they made me feel welcomed and started teaching me like the other volunteers there. Instead of calling me “Sidra” they started calling me “Ms. Sidra” or “Ms.S” and it was surprising but felt nice. I helped out with the arts and crafts activity and participated in gym with the kids. I talked to Ms. Joyce and Ms. Jen before leaving and they want me to write a formal letter to the parents and have a media release form for them in order to collect pictures. I talked and met with some of the parents that came to pick up their kids today and they said that I was doing a great job for the community and kids. It felt really nice hearing that and they made me feel comfortable working with the kids because they all seemed really supportive for my idea. I am going back on Friday to help out with the spelling bee that they have planned and when Ms. Joyce announced to the kids that I was coming back on Friday they all ran over to me and gave me a hug and one little girl said to me “I am excited to see you on Friday Ms. Sidra”. I’ve been there only one day and I feel more than welcomed with these kids and the feeling when she said that was more than I can describe. I seriously cannot wait to start working with these kids!
10/21/16 #11 So today was another session at the afterschool program and by the time I got there the kids were starting their spelling bee practice competition and I helped out. The kids seem to be struggling with the words and what some of the words mean, after seeing this my goal is to make these kids strong on the words and their meanings. I am planning on having a vocab day every Wednesday for 30 minutes which should help them expand on their vocabulary skills also. After that, they all moved on to their talent show practice and I helped out two girls that were singing a song and dancing and I asked them what they thought the song was about and tried my hardest to incorporate literacy into their piece for the talent show. I made the girls read the song lyrics and try to interrupt what the song meant. I explained to them what theme meant and asked them to find the theme of the song and they did great! They understood what I was saying and found the theme without any problem and I was really surprised with them but also really proud. I cannot wait until next time to work with them and see how far they have come.
10/28/16 #12 So nothing really happened today because since it was the last Friday in the month, they had a movie day. The movie ended around 5:30 and so we just relaxed for the last 30 minutes since the parents were coming to pick their kids up at these times.
11/11/16 #13 Today I handed out forms to the parents informing them about what I am doing and what my capstone project is all about. They were all pretty happy and said thank you for doing something like this and wish for my success. They are having their talent show on the 17th and I worked with one of the groups in their singing part and I am excited for the parents to see what I worked on with them and it’ll also show them more about what my capstone is about.
11/14/16 #14 I went in today and found five signed permission forms from parents and it was surprising because I didn’t expect that many Monday afternoon. Ms. Joyce told me that parents that come to the before school program saw the permission slip and were super excited but then found out that it’s for the afterschool program and said that they wish their kids could’ve been part of this amazing opportunity. This week we are just practicing for the talent show that they have on Thursday and I invited Ms. Boutilier to join us.
11/16/16 #15 Today was the final day that they had to practice their acts and they kids are doing great! From a comedy act to a cooking act to a singing act to playing songs on their instruments. They amaze me on how much time and effort they put into their practice because kids now a days don’t really care, they just do things to get them done. Some of the kids are doing multiple acts and there is this one kid that is participating in the singing group I worked with and he is playing “All of me” by John Legend on the piano while singing it. I feel like having these talent shows in school really gives the kid’s confidence to show their talent and that’s another way how their hidden talents are shown to their peers and family.
11/17/16 #16 The talent show went amazing! The kids did great and at the end all of them came together to sing “All of me” while Sam played the piano. The parents had a great time and came in all excited to see all the different acts and were really happy in the end. There was this one girl that ran out crying after her act because her mom was not there when she promised she would be and I calmed her down and tried to explain that something important could’ve came up and she understood but still wanted space so I went and got Ms. Joyce and she went in with her. Overall it was amazing to see how things worked out and see how happy both the parents and their kids were. We had a thanksgiving feast for the families and while I was passing the plates and napkins out, the kids that I am going to work with came over with their families and they told me how much the appreciate it. The exciting thing I learned yesterday was that one girl that is in 5th grade has a reading level of a 1st grader and my goal now for my capstone is to boost her reading level to where she should be while still focusing on the other kids.
11/19/16 #17 Today I just went over and met with the kids I will be working with and gave an explanations on what I am doing and how it is going to be fun and education and not boring. The kids were cooperative but kind of hesitant on the activities I told them about. I set up which days I am working with a specific group of kids and on Mondays I put all the 4th graders together cause they are all around the same reading logs and I mixed up the 3rd and 5th graders on Wednesday according to who I need to work more on 1 on 1 and who in that group can read by themselves. I talked to Chloe’s mom and I told her that I am giving all the kids reading logs from me so that the parents have some evidence on what the kids are doing. I came home and made a reading log that I emailed to Ms. Jen and Ms. Joyce before I printed them out for the kids, to give to them after their thanksgiving break, on Monday. They said it was okay so I plan on heading them out on Monday and have them give it back on Friday signed by their parents that they are actually reading every day.
11/26/16 #18 I handed out the reading logs today and I had everyone give me suggestions on what books they would like to read as a group and make a story book out of it as part of one of their activities and artifacts for me to collect. I also took pictures of each group for some of my artifacts. The most surprising part of today was that Chloe’s mom came up to me and told me how much she appreciates this program that I have set up for the kids and she also told me that Chloe herself wanted to do this program and was more than excited to start. 11/28/16 #19 I met with my Wednesday group today and we all picked an activity to start next Wednesday and they picked out the book Polar Express to read as a group and make a story book out of. I also realized that their readings level went up by one or two levels and I am so proud of them. I was more proud of Chloe because she has not given up on reading and is pushing herself to get better and reach her goal. I talked to her alone and she was telling me how this program has helped her and how she is still scared to read out loud but wants to try. I went home today and decided to have a read out loud group story time and have each kid read one page of the book to get them over their fear of reading out loud. I see a lot of potential in these kids and I can some of them going a long way in high school and I hope all of them do great as they get older and I hope that this program I am running for them helps them in some way.
12/9/16 #20 I met with both groups today because every Friday I ask the kids to bring in reading logs that show evidence that the kids are reading at home for a minimum of 30 minutes each night. I saw that only about 5 out of 15 kids brought in their readings logs and the others forgot them at home or they just didn’t do it. I told them that they were to bring them in every Friday signed by their parents and I will sign it myself verifying that I had seen it. The hard part of this for me is to motivate them to actually do their reading logs and remember to bring them in because they don’t want to do a reading log at home even though they are reading. Working with little kids has taught me that they have a hard time following instructions unless it is something they like and want to do and so I have to come up with ways to spark their interests. I am planning on getting them something small for Christmas because they are really sweet and love to learn but getting them to focus and stay on task is kind of hard. I really enjoy this because I see Chloe growing so much and improving in her reading skills and to see that she is moving up and reaching her goal of reading level S is just amazing! I am so happy for her because she isn’t as insecure as she used to be when we first started. Her parents tell me that she is doing really good and loves this program. I found out that Chloe herself said she wanted to do this program because she wanted to be just like the other kids. Working with her and the other kids is honestly really eye opening because you see all the different types of books each of them like to read and when asked why they like these certain books, they explain and you see how happy they get.
12/22/16 #21 Today I decided to do a Christmas workshop with both groups today and I decided to read The Polar Express and the objective was that I needed them to understand what they were reading and what came to mind while I was reading to them. Mrs.Boutilier visited today and read to the kids also and I was nervous but everything went really well and the kids didn’t make it seem awkward that she was here and observing me. Chloe was not there today so it was disappointing only because I wanted to show Mrs. Boutilier how well she is doing! However some new things I learned about the kids were how different they were from each other and how their brains worked when I gave instructions to write or draw what came to their minds while I was reading. It was nice to see how they actually worked and how different they are from each other. I really enjoyed this activity with them because I got to know them more than I already do.
1/3/17 #22 I got an email from Mrs. Boutilier and it was an observational email and she said how proud she was and that this isn’t just a capstone for me anymore because it’s much more. I was really happy to see what the outcome was and that I was able to represent SMSA in a really nice and honorable way. I do admit that I was really nervous while she was there only because I didn’t know how the kids would react but they were amazing and on their best behaviors.
1/30/17 #23 January is almost over and I didn’t journal much only because I didn’t have much to journal but today something unexpected happened. While driving down to the school I was worried because I was running late and was scared that I would run out of time to work with them. I had gotten to the school around 4:35 and when I walked in I saw my kids sitting at the table and writing down words from their books that they didn’t understand. I felt like a proud mom at this moment because without even reminding them what they are supposed to do they got right to it. It was heartwarming seeing how much these few kids had grown on me in the last few days because I honestly do not want to stop going to this school after capstone is done, I want to stay and continue helping them build their reading skills. It will be hard leaving them but I am going to try and figure out how I can stay and continue this project with them only for their sake.
2/13/17 #24 I was noticing that C has not been coming to tree house for almost a month now. I decided to ask Ms. Joyce what happened and she mentioned that she is seeing a therapist so she can get better and get the help she needs to be better in school also. I am glad that she is taking steps to help her succeed in life because it is showing me that even at a young age she knows how deep she is and how much work she has to do to get herself out of it. I really hope she finds success in everything she aims for.
2/21/17 #25 I was in strength and conditioning class when I saw that I had an email from Ms. Jen. I opened and it was a job offer! I was so ecstatic and I really couldn’t believe it but it happened!! I had asked Ms. Jen and Ms. Joyce to let me know if there was any job openings so I could stay connected with the kids in any way possible. I had emailed back saying that I would love to take the job offer but they needed me from 3:15pm-6pm every day and the only problem with that was that I don’t drive to school so I would not have a mode of transportation there. I had asked my parents if I could get the car but they said no and wanted no arguments. Not going to lie but I did cry a little only because I know how much I will miss these kids. It is honestly unbelievable how much, not only the groups I work with but all the kid’s have grown on me. I went in today and A had come up to me and handed me a paper painting that said Ms. Sidra. It brought tears to my eyes because this was her way of saying thanks since she isn’t the one to talk a lot, she is extremely shy.
2/27/17 #26 I was sitting in my room and I started thinking about how capstone has impacted me. I look back and I see how much I’ve changed and learned new things about myself with the help of these kids. I learned that I wasn’t the only one who was helping someone, the kids were helping me in a way I didn’t think possible. It is amazing how one senior project made a big difference in my life. I knew that I wanted to work with kids and also be a psychiatrist and this project helped me come to a realization that I want to be a child and adolescence psychiatrist. One major thing I learned from the kids was that they have so much inner conflict at such a young age that gets in the way of their growth not only education wise but also with social skills. Breaking through and making these kids understand how important balance is in life was the hardest part because I was able to tell how scared some of them were. It has now hit me that we are seniors and graduating pretty soon. It is terrifying yet exciting how fast this year went by and how in a few months we’ll be on our own and living our own life. I think the hardest part for me for capstone will be saying bye to the kids because after graduation day, I don’t know when I’ll see them next. I did decide that even if my capstone project is over for graduation purposes, it isn’t over for me. I know that they aren’t just “kids” to me, they are my kids who I want to see do bigger and better things after I’ve worked with them. 3/1/17 #27 I spent time today collecting artifacts at the program of the work the kids did and when they were reading. It has been crazy the past few days because of how short the staff has become but things are starting to get a bit better. Whenever I walk in I always have the kids run to me and start asking questions about words that they do not understand and I ask them to read the sentence again and think about what it means. It is still hard for some but others it is really easy to catch on but I see them all grow as readers, nothing means more to a mentor than seeing their kids reach the level they set out for themselves.
3/9/17 #28 I went in today and once I walked in I went straight to helping out with the kids. I was helping A when she said “Happy birthday Ms.S!” To say I was surprised but happy at the same time is probably an understatement because I really wasn’t expecting that from her. What happened after was the best part because as soon as she said that and gave me a hug all the kids, that weren’t even in my program, started singing happy birthday and gave me hugs. It felt and still feels amazing knowing that I mean something to these kids! I really don’t know how to say goodbye to them.
3/28/17 #29 Today was my last day before spring break with the kids and while wrapping everything up I just couldn't help but look over at the kids and see how much they have grown as readers. They kept coming in and asking if I was going to be back after break and my only reply was "we'll see but I promise to visit once in a while". I don't want them to think that I forgot about them so this was the best thing I could think of at the time. I am planning something for them after I get back from break but nothing is really finalized yet.